Creating a Parenting Compass
I have a family member expecting her first child. My family’s joyful anticipation inspired me to write a little something for Father’s Day- for her husband, and for parents of all sorts, the new and eager ones and the weathered and tired ones - anyone who so admirably seek inspiration to constantly recalibrate their inner parenting compass!
When I got married my mother asked family members to select a favorite meal and write out its recipe on a card. She collected and bundled them as a gift. There are no James Beard honorees in my family, and well, let’s just say the recipes are rich in tradition, pleasing in their familiarity, and beautiful in the way they preserve the handwritten notes that accompany them. It was a beautiful gift! I would carry forth only the most special, most cherished of cuisine tradition.
Here below I create a list of grounding parenting plays, principles or strategies borrowed from so many of my loved ones. This is MY list. Read it with the idea that you create your own, inspired by what I list here as my parenting compass. Imagine each one like a card in a recipe box, that you pull out from time to time to keep you grounded, focused on what matters most, and aligned with your principles and values.
I am grateful to those who inspired my list, my father, my mother, my step father, my husband, my brothers and sister, grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins and life long friends. I have been gifted with so many role models and traditions to draw from, making this list rich, and diverse. So here it goes…..
Starting the day your baby is born, change as many diapers as you can and feed, hold, talk and sing to your child whenever possible.
Have make believe tea parties, and tumble, wrestle and roll aimlessly! Play cards, chess and board games, make art or music together, and throw or kick a ball often. The best of giggles and conversations flow from playing together!
Go on walks, rides, slopes and lakes- not for mastery or conditioning but for companionship and bonding!
Be your child’s best expert. Know their strengths, weaknesses, rhythms, and needs. When something out of the ordinary presents, such as learning gifts or challenges, read, listen and learn voraciously. Stay centered and with your parenting partner(s), lead the team of specialists!
When facing medical challenges, be your child’s best advocate. If she has food allergies, asthma, juvenile diabetes, or another illness, be fiercely skilled at responding to an emergency, reading labels and monitors or delivering medication. Join team meetings at schools, camps and extra-curricular activities to help her access all your community has to offer. Help her see herself as much more than her diagnosis and as empowered to live life fully!
Build things together- sandcastles, play-dough zoos, wooden derby cars, dollhouses, campfires and perhaps even a backyard pergola.
Know the drill! Manage the Saturday sleepover without instructions. No reminders needed to always bring his sheet music to clarinet lessons, cleats and a water bottle for soccer practice, and insulin and emergency medical bag where ever you go. Make sure he brushes his teeth and can find his “lovey” before bedtime.
Set limits and follow through on them. Be honest and expect the same. These lay the foundation for respect, strength in character and healthy relationships.
Be loving, respectful and supportive of those you share this journey with - your baby is watching and you model the kind of relationships they will seek out later in life.
When you face a real problem- not the poop that spreads from diaper to armpits or the mean girl’s look that brings your daughter to tears type of problems- but rather, the kind that bring nausea, sleepless nights, vein popping screaming matches, or even raw terror- simply carry on. Don’t run away or to that which numbs. You won’t fix everything; parenting has many painful chapters too. You will often get it wrong. But remember, you are your child’s best father.
If you suffer divorce or loss, do everything possible to remain present and loving, even if distracted and vulnerable. Unconditional love and loyalty, the parent-child kind, nurtures mutual resilience.
Work to live, rather than live to work; but plan for security.
Practice gratitude daily, quietly and overtly and most especially with your child(ren).
Material goods ease and bring comfort, but memories and traditions feed the heart and soul and live on forever.
Be a parent and if possible also a friend, but never the latter before the former. Forever.
Family is yours to create and define, and family comes first. Always!
And now, it’s your turn! Think of those from who you draw inspiration, cherished playbooks - to create your own grounding parenting compass.